This is the post that I've long procrastinated in writing.
As you can probably tell, the creative juices have not been flowing in the direction of SheTrusts.com lately.
It is not that I no longer believe in the concept, didn't have followers, or that I believe that the mission of SheTrusts.com had power to change the way we shop. In fact, I still feel feel pretty strongly about all of those things.
Simply put, the demands of my life over the last year have eclipsed my passions and ideas for SheTrusts.com. And in the absence of substantial income from the site itself, I was relieved to relinquish them, to give myself a break to just deal with the waves of tribulations I was experiencing at the time. Yet when those demands began to subside and life began to calm down, I found that another powerful idea had begun to take its place, and with its siren song had pulled my creativity, passion and thrill along with it. So I've come to admit that I must say goodbye… for now.
I grappled with this for a long time. I was avoiding making official what I had long known, that it was time to say adios. Desperate to walk away from SheTrusts not feeling like a failure, I kept putting off the inevitable. However I didn't realize the importance of what I had done, what I had created, until I read the beloved author Elizabeth Gilbert's new book, Big Magic, and I was finally able to come full circle with my thinking.
In her book Gilbert explains her belief that ideas are like spiritual creatures who present themselves to those who they believe will be able to bring into fruition. They may present themselves to more than one person, betting their odds that at least one might be able to do them justice. Yet (and here's the kicker) they are allowed to leave just as easily as they came, and move onto the next poor soul ready to try their luck. This is how I choose to feel about my precious website (yet I selfishly hope that the idea did not float on to another!). The idea for SheTrusts struck me like a lightning bolt and swiftly carried me along with it for quite a while. And one day, I found it to be missing, and replaced by another idea that was quietly knocking to be let in.
This, as Gilbert explains it, is part of living the creative life, and is what we as creative individuals must accept. We must be open to the fickle ideas, make with them what we can, and if they choose to leave, fill their space with gratitude until the next time you're struck with the lightning rod of big magic.
And so finally I must make it official, put it to bed, and say so long until the time comes again for the SheTrusts concept to come back to life. It is a bittersweet thing. This website was my first of many things. My first "baby", my first business idea, the first thing I had ever created for myself that blew open a giant doorway to see the life that I want, that I need, to live. SheTrusts revealed in me my true calling, that I am in fact a creative person who is tasked with bringing forth new and disruptive ideas.
I will forever be grateful for my efforts in working to get it to take flight. I never would have known my own strength to create something for myself, if I had not first said "yes" to giving it a go. SheTrusts was my first entrepreneurial venture; I learned more from the ways that I failed and from what I didn't know, than from any successes it achieved and any knowledge I had going in. I met some pretty spectacular people who were so gracious with their time and talents in helping me navigate the waters of tech startups.
And this is what life is, right? The accumulation of new, challenging, marvelous, and unnerving experiences.
Fortunately, I have a career that keeps me entertained, stimulated, connected, and most importantly, paid.
In the meantime, I will continue to show up for my creativity. I will continue to put in the work, until I find what is next. This is the life of a creative person, and this is the life I love.